Match Reports vs Hoi's Colleagues

Escape to Victory 2007

20 February 2007

Venue: Quarry Bay Park Carpet Pitch

Soon to be available at your local video store is the remake of the classic war-time football movie - Escape to Victory 2007!

Whereas the original feature included real life football legends such as Bobby Moore, Ossie Ardiles and Pele, the 2007 remake will be produced entirely on location in Hong Kong with an entire local Hong Kong cast - who will portray current world football stars! What's more, the movie will be made using REAL FOOTBALL ACTION taken from a local Hong Kong football match! How's that for realism!?

As the original story was told inside a prisoner of war camp during the Second World War, this remake had to take a much light-hearted approach, to tie in with a Chinese New Year market release. The "Allies" will be played by local Hong Kong football club "Dogs United FC".

The evil Germans will be played by "Hoi's Colleagues", who will be dressed in white and black, a tribute to the original German team.

Final Score:

Allies (played by DUFC)  3 : 1  Germans (played by Hoi's Colleagues)

"Allies" Cast and Synopsis:

Duck (goalkeeper) - with original actor and #1 DUFC goalkeeper Fly performing a "Fly aeroplane", Duck stars as stand-in goalkeeper Robert Green. Although a bit shaky at the start of the game, he slowly grows in confidence. Actually he had little to do due to a solid defense in front of him. Had he been playing for Watford, the team will at the bottom of the table for sure ...

Brian (right full back) - Brian plays Italy and AC Milan defender Paolo Maldini. Solid defensive play with strong tackles. Made some surging runs into the opponent's box.

Winkins (left full back) - Winkins plays England and Chelsea defender Ashley Cole. Although sometimes erratic at defense, he did manage to get several chances to score had it not been for the opposing goalkeeper - and completely missing a clear shot just outside the box ...

Curtis (left wing back) - Curtis plays Italy and Barcelona midfielder Gianluca Zambrotta. Held and supported the left side very well in both defense and offense. Miraculously, actor Curtis was not carried off injured. The Year of Boar 2007 looks to be a healthy omen for Curtis.

Jackie (defensive midfielder) - Jackie plays England and Manshester United midfielder Paul Scholes. The older and slower Paul Scholes we see now at Manchester United has adapted to a more defensive, holding position, and only joins the attack during dead-ball situations. Jackie plays this role almost to perfection as he spends most of the game in the holding position, and scoring a goal from a free kick.

Lo (midfielder) - Mad Lo plays England and Bayern Munich midfielder Owen Hargreaves. Lo was so dedicated to this role that he even wore a red England jersey even though the entire crew of "Allies" wore blue as directed. Endless running all over the pitch - the engine of the "Allies" midfield.

Hoi (forward) - Hoi plays Brazil and AC Milan forward Ronaldo. Static and overweight, Ronadlo nowadays just stands there in the opponent's half waiting for the ball. When he does get the ball no-one knows what will happen next. It is because of the pure genius of Samba football we have known of Ronaldo? No, because I am sure even he does not know where the ball will end up ... Luckily of Ronaldo, he managed to score by tapping the ball 5cm from an open goal. Unluckily (for the rest of the DUFC team), we will have to pick Ronaldo as Forward for the next game ...

Jason (midfielder) - Jason plays England and Manchester United midfielder Wayne Rooney. Although started the game in midfield, he later moved up the field to his natural habitat of Forward. Could've had 5 assists had not Ashley Cole (3) and Ronaldo (2) wasted his inch-perfect passes. A typical Wayne Rooney thunderblot goal just outside the box capped a great display. However, he also carries a suspect temperament with frequent foul language, similar to the actual Rooney ...

Lam (forward) - Lam plays the ageing but everygreen England and West Ham forward Teddy Sheringham. Lam roams the field at slightly slower speeds than the real Teddy Sheringham and usually does only one thing when he does get the ball, and that is to knock it to a teammate. It is difficult to ask much of this actor (60 yrs?), and with Ronaldo as his strike partner it is at times that the whole "Allies" forward line is akin to a row of marble statues ...

Danny (center back) - Danny plays England and Tottenham defender Ledley King. Although equally versatile in defensive midfield, Ledley King was asked to play CB for this game - and what a performance! Ledley King almost single-handedly repelled all attacks through the middle. Actually this is no surprise as we only have one human being in that position ...

Alex Ko (midfield) - Alex Ko plays retired France and Real Madrid midfielder Zinedine Zidane. Zidane also brought one of his daughters to the game. Still shows good dribbling and passing skills for a retired player. Unfortunately he had to leave the field early due to back pain ...

Ryan (full back) - Pork Wing plays FIFA World Player of the Year 2006 Fabio Cannavaro! Full of enthusiasm and added much encouragement to a tiring and quiet defense. A very solid display to ensuring an "Allies" victory.

Joe Sim (midfielder) - Joe plays his namesake and long absentee England and Chelsea midfielder Joe Cole. Similar to the actual Chelsea player, Joe has hardly featured in any football practice this season and the lack of fitness clearly shows. The subsitute had to be subsitituted - twice ... (Joe has taken to an alternative hobby of photography with his friend and Chelsea teammate "Frank" Lampard. Judging from the quality of the photos he may be advised to retire from the game and take photography full-time ...)

Hear what the original actors of Escape to Victory have to say about this remake!

Sylvester Stallone - I just love this remake! It's exciting from the beginning right to the end! I wish we had the DUFC players with us during the original movie! I love them all! I will definitely add this video release to my collection of 6 Rocky DVDs!

Ossie Ardiles - I like DUFC's style of play - 6 forwards all time! Just like how it was when I was manager of Tottenham Hotspurs. Yes, we did let in lot of goals and lost a lot of games, but I just has so much FUN fielding 6 forwards!

Pele - I like the DUFC players, they are all good - but I will always be the Greatest Football Player of the 20th Century. Just ask my friends Sepp Blatter and the rest of the gang at FIFA. By the way, if Scolari, Ronaldo, Roberto Carlos and Rivaldo had only listened to my advice in 2002, we would have won the World Cup. Oh wait a minute, we did win it ...

And finally, as a tradition to all Hong Kong movies released during the festive Chinese New Year season, the whole cast and crew wished you all a Prosperous and Healthy New Year of the Boar! Kung Hei Fat Choi!

Report by Jason

[Back]